Energy and Grief part 1

Hi, it is many weeks since I last wrote anything here. Even though I really like doing it and have lots of ideas to write about, I had no energy to apply myself to do it. This brings me to two points to consider: – 1) How important energy is for any action great or small and where that energy comes from and 2) the extent to which the loss of a friend/companion/family member through death can shut down those channels through which energy may flow.

Point 2) first. My recent loss was the gradual deterioration and final end of my lovely constant companion, Bella, on May 1st, just a few weeks before her  15th birthday. That’s her photo at the bottom of the article. If you’ve never had a pet, the next bit may not make much sense; if you have it will. It may have some resonance if a family member or someone significant to you has died.

First of all there’s dealing with the finality of the situation. I will never again be able to stroke her fur, see her sparkly bright button eyes. My friend’s Mother has recently died and she is desperate to realize she made no recording of her Mother’s voice and will never hear it again. Something will underline the finality of the separation. Your heart hurts.

How do you deal with it? It can “freeze” one’s life; sap your energy and motivation. First of all recognize that the sadness is ok. You can feel sad, angry, regretful and so on. Secondly, that you have to experience it in order for it to heal. If you squash it down, throw yourself into work, move abroad, drink too much or take anti-depressants, the sadness will still be there. It is held in a space that is out of time. This means time doesn’t heal; the unacknowledged sadness stays there as fresh as the day you first felt it. Allow yourself to feel sad, to cry, sob, howl, to write letters of regret, rage, fondness, things you’d wished you’d said, then burn them. Take Bach Flower Remedy Star of Bethlehem if it gets too much and you have to deal with the world. The molecules created in grief can only leave the body in tears. Otherwise they stay inside and overtime will create illness, emotional upheaval and/or physical pain.

Go through the pain and emerge stronger, clearer and more understanding of yourself, people in general and life. Empathic friends can hold you steady if need be, but you will be ok in the end. Sympathy can make you a victim. Empathy and understanding is what you need.

Of course, all this emotion and adjustment to the new situation you may find yourself in, saps your energy, leaving you feeling lethargic, unmotivated and stuck. Eventually this needs to change. You still have your life to live, and to live it in honour of the one you have lost, which brings me to point number one – energy and where it comes from.

Read about it in Part 2, following this blog. Thanks.

 

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